His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
