There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm really busy with my period
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