I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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