I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
