so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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