i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
