No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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