she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
