I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
