i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
