This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
