her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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