Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
4 words: hood of his car
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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