I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
