I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
