thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
