I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
