I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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