I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
