i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
