pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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