I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
