Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
