operation harelip BJ is a go
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
