Don't make out with my wife yet
You can't motorboat a personality
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
