Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
