Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
