hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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