So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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