This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
