In the future we'll all be gay
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
