It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
