There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
