he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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