you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
