when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
