my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
