So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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