When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
