i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you win again, gameday.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
