Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
