I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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