Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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