I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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