glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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