Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I am naked and annoyed.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
