No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
