Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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