Im at strip club and am horny
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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