dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
