if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
