i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just gift wrapped bread.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
